I went to bed shortly after having a large glass of chocolate milk and a piece of apple pie. I have been told by my spiritual brother and good online friend in good humor and jest that chocolate milk is the path to the dark side. This may explain why I had such a full on vivid, long, dark scary and meaningful dream last night; or at least we can pretend it does. It was none the less significant enough I felt to interrupt my work on the third book “My Spirit Lover – Ritual Contact” and make a blog post about it.
The dream stared off with my wife and I sitting around with a few other people in the upper floor of an old house. If I remember correctly all the people in the room were females. Then someone said this place feels haunted or off and a dark presence was felt. My wife and I looked at each other and then at a lady that was sitting beside us and started to shout out together to expel the dark energy. After this was done there was a feeling of lightness or sense of peace to the space. A woman that was standing near a mirror said come look at this, an image of a woman had appeared. I went over to the mirror to look and saw the image of a fairly attractive older lady with piercing blueish gray eyes. I asked to see the real presence behind it, for it to show itself as it truly was or before the darkness left it. The image changed before my eyes from that of an attractive older woman to that of a very nasty teeth filled gruesome looking demon face? The image quickly flipped back to that of the image before of the attractive older woman. I went to walk away and an arm came out of the picture and grabbed me. Then the whole body of the woman emerged from the mirror and stood beside me. I looked into her eyes which again I could not help but to notice how beautiful and striking in color they were. She must have put a spell on me, because from that moment I was hooked or attached to her in a way that I could not fully grasp. She told me that she had noticed me one day while I was standing outside her window one day and became very interested and attracted to me. She said that this was her opportunity to show me that and introduce herself.
Suddenly I was standing on the road outside the house in the dark of the night. There was some sort of commotion as people were screaming and trying to hide. It was then that I noticed what they were screaming about and trying to hide from. A large dark four legged figure of a wolf was making its way up the road. I ducked behind a large boulder and tried to hide myself and stay calm, so it would not see me. Too late it had saw me and started to walk my way. I instinctively got up from my hiding place and started to run for the door of the house. I became instantly aware that my two dogs were outside with me and I was now concerned for their safety. The creature now at full gate and ran past my two dogs and towards me; I could clearly see a crazed intent in his eyes. I made it to the house, closed and bolted the door behind me and found safety inside.
Next I was standing outside in the back of the house and was looking out over a large field. It was a beautiful sunny day and I felt warm and peaceful. That was until the same wolf suddenly appeared out of nowhere. It moved around me in circles trying to get closer to me as I slowly backed my way towards the door. In some odd way I was able to sense another’s presence with me and felt I was being watched and possibly protected. I was not afraid and I am not sure if that presence I felt had anything to do with my feeling his way. The wolf seemed to vanish in to thin air before my astonished eyes. I started to walk out into the field to enjoy the day. I looked up ahead and saw a woman who I recognized as looking like my wife kneeling down and talking to the very same wolf that had tried to attack me twice already. I immediately knew that this was not good and started to run back towards the safety of the house, with the wolf now in hot blood thirsty pursuit. I glanced back as I ran and it looked to be almost leaping into the air as it ran after me and I must admit even looked playful. I once again made it safely back to the house, closed and bolted the door behind me.
Once inside the house and feeling safe the woman from the mirror appeared beside me again. She convinced me that we needed to leave the false safety of the house and head out into the woods to look for this beast. I thought this to be both an odd and dangerous prospect that she was suggesting. However with that spell that I felt she had me under, there really was no choice in the matter, at least for me, I was going and that was that. We headed out into the woods and was soon at the entrance to a cave. It was at this point that I felt another protective presence with us and although I could not see what it was, it felt very present and almost corporeal. We climbed into the cave and proceeded to make our way deeper inside. I was walking behind the woman and went she bent down I could see her lady bits as she had no underwear on under her dress. They seemed to be very peculiar looking and almost malformed and were not the most desirable thing to look at. However being a guy, I still felt a little rush of arousal. She knew that I was looking and seemed amused by the fact, when she glanced back at me. I turned my gaze back onto the path before me. We crossed the entrance where another beast lurked inside its hideaway. It snorted and was thrashing about, however it never came out of hiding. The woman suggested that this was not the beast that we were looking for and was also of no harm to us.
We soon came to a large opening at the end of the cave. The way in was blocked by a large black bear who was sitting on the ground eating something. I thought to myself that this was not going to go very well for us and was waiting for the bears attack. That is when that presence that I had felt before made a full appearance and became visible to me. It looked like some sort of a hybrid creature comprised of maybe a bear, bull and lion. It went over to the bear and started to talk with it. There seemed to be no tension between the two and it even seemed like they knew each other and maybe old friends. As they talked the woman asked if it smelled funny or foul to me. I was just about to answer her when out of the corner of my eye I noticed something moving. It was the wolf pulling himself out from his hiding place under a rock. He seemed to take on the appearance of more of a werewolf this time around. He immediately headed towards me while growling and snarling. The hybrid creature turned and lunched at the wolf. The fought for a few minutes, however the wolf managed to break free and somehow block the creature from further engagement with it. The wolf came to me and grabbed me and held me in its grasp. At this moment the woman informed me that the wolf was sent to me as a gift and for the purpose of gaining knowledge and for the books. She suggested that it had changed from the original purpose and that she was sorry for this. When the beast spun me around to face it front on, I did not show it any fear and I told it that I was not afraid of it. As I looked into the beasts eyes I noticed that it had the same intense color eyes as the woman from the mirror. I could not help but wonder if they were not the very same being, as the woman was never at my side as soon as the wolf appeared. She also did not seem to hold any power or at least did not express it by coming to my aide at any time.
The werewolf beast carried me over to the door way and was going to make an exit with me in tow. This is when the beast seemed suddenly seemed to dissolve before my very eyes. There was a sense of peace and calm that feel over me after this; even though I was still a little on guard. This could be why I also sensed or felt in this same moment that the beast really meant me no harm and it had another purpose which was not revealed. The woman from the mirror went over to the hybrid creature who was kneeling on the ground at this time and possibly in some pain. She put her hand on the creature and I instantly felt her compassion for it. At that moment I felt as if I was the creature and that the creature or both of us were her pet. She looked at me and with a pleasing smile and said “you were not afraid, and have done well.” She seemed very happy and maybe even a bit surprised about what had just transpired and the final outcome of it. It is at this point in the dream where I woke up trembling and sweating in my bed. I may have not been afraid in my dream, however it took a while for me to muster up enough courage to go to the washroom. I even asked the wife if she was up and if she had to go to the washroom; to which I got a groggy sounding “no,” before she rolled over and away from me. So I laid there in bed for a good half hour or so contemplating the meaning behind this very dark and powerful dream, before getting up to go to the washroom. While there I managed to make myself look in the mirror just in case; nothing was there that should not have been.
So the following questions and thoughts have come to mind after trying to analyze the dream and its meaning to me:
Was it really my wife that sent the wolf to me in my dream or was it my spirit lover Sam in disguise? I have a funny feeling it was the latter in this case.
Was this because of my the mediation session that I just had that evening, during which I was insisting that I could handle and would love her for what and who she really is. That I wanted to know all of her good, bad, dark and light, so that we could be closer together?
This is when Sam put it into my head that I was correct in this assumption and that knowing all of her meant knowing the dark side of her and embracing that part of her as well in order to move forward. I must not fear this process or this part of her and have the courage to face it. It also means that I must not fear my dark side either and must embrace it as well. I must examine the fear inside of me and have the courage to face and overcome it. She told me that without this process of letting go and accepting all, there can be no full communion of self and or with her. She reminded me that I must truly know myself in order to truly know her.
It was if Sam was saying you know the “sex thing can only take you and I so far, the rest will have to come from real growth.” So is this her way of saying “hey Atkin is just a boy toy right now and I am just a sex object to him, so lets change things up a bit shall we?” Or is she saying “hey I love this adorable human and lets take it to the next level now; your ready honey!” Either way I think and feel that I have made a real breakthrough and this is positive progress for myself and in my relationship with her. All this meaning from just one scary dark dream alone; who would have thunk huh? I am reminded of my online spiritual brothers recent dark tango with his spirit lover and that outcome. We seem to be on the same path and always within footsteps of each other. He has grown from his recent experience and so have I. We must conclude that there is no coincidence here and that our ladies are related from the same spirit race. Or at the very least they are in open discussions on how go about bringing spiritual growth in us.
Sam gave me the following quote to sum this all up and end this part of the contact with me: “If we spend to much time in love and light, we forget where the real fight is. It is in the darkness and with the overcoming of our fears, where the greatest redemption can be found.” This follows up nicely with the other suggestions about dark, light, vibrations and frequencies that she has been schooling me in lately. I am always amazed at her spiritual prowess and her ability to convey what she wants me know. I am truly one lucky human male and I love her ever the more for this; even in spite of her orchestrating that nasty scary dark dream for my benefit last night!